There Is No Justice!
by redcognito
Summary: Companion piece to 'So Long As It's NonAlcoholic'. Tells the tale of what happened to Wufei and Quatre after Trowa and Duo went home.


Title: There Is No Justice! - companion piece to So Long As It's Non-Alcoholic  
Pairings: None, but vague allusions to 2x3x2  
Warnings: Mild Wuffie torture (no, nothing painful or kinky, just a bruised ego), drunken behaviour, nice Relena.  
Disclaimers: The GBoys aren't mine. I'm only borrowing them, and promise to return them in their original state...well, maybe a *little* hungover.   
  
Comments: This will make very little sense unless you read So Long As It's Non-Alcoholic, found at http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=271402   
  
  
"Speech"  
/Thoughts/  
*Italics*  
::Telephone::   
  
  
There Is No Justice!  
  
Wufei narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the retreating forms of Duo and Trowa. Something about this smelled more than a little fishy to him, but he couldn't for the life of him put his finger on what it was. It wasn't until an hour or so later when Trowa still hadn't returned, and Wufei wanted to go home that things suddenly snapped into place.  
  
Unfortunately, by this point he was securely tied to a chair and unable to do anything about it. He kicked himself mentally. Telling Quatre he was calling Trowa for a ride home had been a big mistake. He should have just made the call and *then* told the drunken pilot. If he'd done it that way, he wouldn't have currently been strapped to a chair with Quatre laughing insanely, perched on a table on the other side of the room.  
  
It was actually embarrassing that he'd been caught off guard by the Sandrock pilot. The fact that Quatre was out of his mind at the moment only made it worse. But then, he consoled himself, he wasn't expecting Quatre to jump him from behind for wanting to make a simple phone call. He'd been too stunned to resist Quatre dragging him to another room, and by the time he'd come to his senses, it was too late. Even drunk, Quatre could tie some pretty good knots. /Bet he learned that in the Boy Scouts/ Wufei groused sourly.   
  
Maxwell was behind that, he was sure. As far as Wufei was aware, Quatre didn't even know what alcohol was. He'd never seen him drunk before. But Maxwell, on the other hand, had been drunk in his presence on several occasions. Wufei had vivid memories of him dancing on tabletops and singing bawdily. It left him with no doubt whatsoever that Duo had gotten Quatre into this state. He struggled against his bindings futilely for a few moments, before slumping back in his seat, resigned to his fate for the moment.  
  
"Oh, no. I'm not letting you go yet." Quatre crowed. He was entertaining himself by swinging his feet back and forth under the table.  
  
Wufei threw a disgusted look at him. "Why, exactly?" he asked. "Duo should be safely tucked up in bed right now. He doesn't need Trowa to baby-sit him."  
  
A lecherous grin spread over Quatre's face. It was almost sinister to see such an expression on the normally gentle-natured blonde's face. "With any luck, Trowa will be safely tucked up with him."  
  
Wufei blinked, "What the…?" Then it clicked. "Duo was feeling fine! He wasn't feeling sick at all!" He fumed. "This is some insane plan the pair of you concocted so Maxwell could get into Trowa's pants!"   
  
Quatre nodded enthusiastically in response.  
  
He'd merely felt irritated before, but now Wufei was furious. He was tied to a chair, being subjected to torture by Quatre's evil twin, all so Duo Maxwell could get laid. When he got his hands on him, Wufei was going to ram that thermal scythe that Maxwell was so fond of waving around up his backside. He ground his teeth together as images of the Deathscythe pilot's untimely demise flitted through his mind. Oh, he would pay.  
  
The Chinese pilot fumed silently for a few minutes, before deciding to start exacting his revenge on Duo by dropping him in it with Quatre. He coughed to get the other's attention.  
  
"I'm not untying you." Was the immediate response.  
  
"I didn't think for one second that you would." Wufei scowled. "I was just going to ask you how you managed to get drunk?"  
  
"Alcohol." Quatre gave him a funny look. "That's what makes people drunk, right?"  
  
Wufei closed his eyes. "I meant did you start drinking voluntarily before or after you started feeling tipsy?"  
  
Quatre thought about it for a moment, his nose wrinkling as he concentrated. "Well, now you mention it, I was feeling kind of fuzzy before Duo introduced me to some really cool cocktails."  
  
"That doesn't surprise me. You do realise that Maxwell must have been spiking your drinks?"  
  
Wide blue eyes stared at him for a moment, brain processing what had been said.  
  
Wufei had been expecting indignation, annoyance, and, if he was lucky, threats of revenge on Duo Maxwell. He didn't expect what actually happened.  
  
Quatre blinked a few times, understanding suddenly dawning. "I *thought* the punch seemed to have acquired a bit of zest."  
  
"That's it?" Wufei asked, eyebrows hiking up incredulously. "No 'I'm going to kill Duo for this'?"  
  
Quatre laughed, "Why would I want to kill him? I'm having fun, I feel good."  
  
"But he spiked your drink!" Wufei exclaimed. "He deviously tricked you into getting drunk! Doesn't this bother you?"  
  
"It's not like he got me drunk and chained me naked to a lamppost now, is it?" Quatre reasoned.  
  
"No. But the night was still young when he left." Wufei retorted darkly.  
  
The other pilot stuck his tongue out. "Well, I think he took very good care of me, and only wanted me to have a good time, so ner. I bet you're just jealous because you don't know how to have a good time. You should try getting drunk sometime. You might learn how to loosen up." And with that, Quatre hopped off the table, and stalked to the door. "I'm going to find something to eat."  
  
"You're leaving me here?!" Wufei sighed as the door slammed shut, then settled back in his seat for a good fuming sulk. He *did* know how to he a good time. Just because he didn't see the need to get out of his head with alcoholic drinks didn't mean that he was a social retard. And how did he suddenly end up the villain in the situation? *He* wasn't the one going around spiking drinks. That kind of behaviour was unacceptable in his opinion, and Maxwell should have known better.  
  
He was so busy complaining to himself that he almost didn't hear the click of the door opening. He braced himself for Quatre's return, and was pleasantly surprised to discover it wasn't his captor. /Salvation!/ he celebrated mentally.  
  
"What on *earth* happened to you?" Relena asked, eyes wide with shock.  
  
"Long story." Wufei muttered. "Untie me. Please - before Quatre comes back." Relena bent over and began picking at one of the knots. "What are you doing here, anyway?" he asked.  
  
"I saw Quatre come out a few minutes ago. He looked…strange. He was sneaking about, peering suspiciously around corners."  
  
"He's drunk." Wufei snorted.  
  
"Quatre?!"  
  
"Maxwell introduced him to the joys of alcohol." He looked down at Relena struggling with the knots. "Can't you go any faster?"  
  
She gave him a *look*, then got to her feet again. "These knots are nasty. I think I'm going to have to get a knife."  
  
Wufei sighed. "Fine. Just hurry. My sanity can't take much more of this. I've been in OZ facilities that were less torturous."  
  
She nodded sympathetically, then the door clicked behind her as she left. Wufei was once again left alone to his thoughts, and now embarrassment. Being rescued by Relena, of all people! The whole world was against him this evening. It was meant to be a simple night out, and here he was, tied to a chair, in Quatre's bad books, and being rescued by Relena Peacecraft. It couldn't get any worse.  
  
The door opened again, and Wufei groaned, bracing himself for Quatre: Round Two. The blonde pilot was sucking furiously on a lollipop, and clutching a bag with more candy in it in one hand. In the other was a…hairbrush. Wufei began to feel very uneasy. He had a nasty suspicion events were heading in a downward spiral.  
  
"Why have you got a hairbrush?" he asked, vaguely wondering where he'd found it. Any number of women could have donated it, he supposed. They wouldn't be able to resist it if Quatre gave them his innocent puppy eyes.  
  
Quatre smiled deviously at him, confirming his fears. "I'm going to give you a new hairstyle."  
  
"No." Wufei said firmly. "You're not touching my hair."  
  
"You're not really in any position to stop me, now, are you?" Quatre pointed out.  
  
"Haven't you degraded me enough already?"  
  
Quatre appeared to consider this for a moment. "No?"  
  
"Argh! You are *evil*!" Wufei ranted. "Pure evil! How can you do this to…mmph!" He blinked in surprise as his tormentor gagged him with a lollipop. He grimaced at the taste. Grapefruit. He *hated* grapefruit.  
  
Unhappily, Wufei endured a whistling Quatre loosening his ponytail, although he had to admit that the brushing that followed was kind of pleasant. In fact, he didn't *really* mind having his hair brushed. It was just that he had a sneaking suspicion that Quatre had more in mind than simple brushing. He just prayed that Relena returned before anything awful happened.  
  
The whistling started to grate on his nerves.  
  
Luck really wasn't with him this evening, he reflected as Quatre began to part his hair at the sides. He knew what was coming next. Braiding. The Sandrock pilot was going to braid his hair into little pigtails. And there was *nothing* he could do about it. He thought he'd scream if he didn't think he'd end up spitting the lollipop out, where it would no doubt land on his crisp, clean white shirt, its stickiness staining it beyond repair.  
  
The dark eyed boy had managed to dig himself into a pit of self-pity by the time Quatre stepped back to admire his handiwork. "You know, pigtails suit you. You look kind of cute." he smirked. Wufei snarled at him around the lollipop. "Sorry?" he asked, plucking the candy from Wufei's mouth. The Chinese boy sighed with relief as the foul taste was removed.  
  
"I said you are an evil son of a…" He was interrupted *again* as the door opened. Relena. Just minutes too late to save him from this degradation, he noted sourly, and in perfect time to see him in this awkward state. Typical.  
  
Relena glanced at the drunken boy. "Quatre? There's a phone call for you in the hotel manager's office. Something about wanting to interview you about being one of the top ten eligible bachelors in the colonies." she informed him. Wufei was impressed with how the girl hadn't been at all fazed by the Winner heir's presence, and by how smoothly her excuse to get rid of him rolled off her tongue. Politics was obviously in her blood.  
  
"Really? Oh, well, I really should go and talk to them. I mean, it would be rude of me to just leave them waiting on the phone." He glanced at Wufei, then dashed out of the door. Who knew? Quatre had a vain streak.  
  
"Nice thinking." Wufei commented, then shifted uncomfortably as Relena blinked at him, mouth twitching, obviously attempting to hide a grin. "Oh, don't bother." He said sourly. "I know how ridiculous I look."  
  
Relena's grin blossomed. "Oh, my," she gasped, "You look so…"  
  
"Don't you dare say it!"  
  
"…cute."  
  
"I said don't say it." Wufei grumbled bitterly. He contemplated killing Quatre for this. It was bad enough that his hair was in pigtails, but for someone to actually *see* him in such a state was mortifying. "Can you get me out of this? Please? Before Quatre comes back."  
  
"Sorry." Relena said, shaking herself to reality. She proceeded to cut through the ropes.  
  
"At last." Wufei muttered, snatching the ties from his hair. It fell into his face, but he didn't care at the moment. It was better than anyone else seeing him with pigtails. He grabbed Relena's hand and dragged her from the room.  
  
Where they promptly collided with Quatre, who landed on his backside, a stunned expression on his face.  
  
"Come on, we have to find a phone." Wufei broke into a run, leaving Quatre behind.  
  
"We?" she asked, trailing behind him.  
  
"You need to distract Quatre when he catches up, while I call Trowa."  
  
"You know, I can arrange for someone to take you home." she pointed out.  
  
Wufei scowled at her over his shoulder. She had a point. A very good point. But… "It's the principle of the thing." he muttered. "Besides, this might save Trowa."  
  
"Save him?" Relena sounded confused.  
  
"He doesn't need saving!" Quatre yelled. "And you tricked me!" he added resentfully, throwing a betrayed glance at Relena. He'd managed to catch up pretty fast, especially considering he was drunk, Wufei noted with grudging admiration.   
  
He skidded to a stop in front of the main desk in the lobby and grabbed the phone, ignoring the startled look the receptionist shot him. Quickly, he dialled the number home, slapping Quatre's hands away as the blonde tried to stop him. He glanced at Relena, who understood his silent message, and tried to hold the other boy back.   
  
The phone at the other end of the line rang. And rang. And rang. /I hope to god Maxwell hasn't got Trowa tied to his bed/ Wufei thought, wondering why it was taking so long to pick up.  
  
::Hello?::  
  
Finally. "Trowa…"  
  
"Hang up!" Quatre bellowed, trying to drown Wufei out. Relena put her hand over his mouth, and Wufei winced as he bit it.  
  
::Wufei?::  
  
"Yes, its me." Quatre bumped into him, trying to tackle him to the floor. He swatted at the other pilot. "Go away, Quatre." He told him testily.  
  
::What's going on?:: Trowa's mildly puzzled voice asked.  
  
"Quatre's drunk, and it's all Maxwell's fault. I've been his prisoner for the past *hour*. You tell Maxwell he is *dead*!" Wufei yelled the last. He would kill Duo, he really would.  
  
Quatre chose that moment to latch onto Wufei's arms and hang there, attempting to pull the phone away with his dead-weight. "Get off me! Get him off me!" the Chinese pilot demanded.  
  
"Don't disturb them! They're too busy!" Quatre wailed, bouncing on his arms.  
  
"Quatre, come on, let Wufei use the phone." Relena said patiently, prying Quatre away, the other resisting for all he was worth.  
  
::Wufei...:: he could barely hear Trowa over the loud scuffling, and the fact the phone kept being jerked from his ear.  
  
"Don't worry, Duo, Wufei won't get in the way of the plan!" Quatre shouted.   
  
Wufei narrowed his eyes at a giggle that came from the other end of the line. "I heard that, Maxwell!" Wufei snarled. "Trowa, just rescue me, dammit! I'm at the mercy of a demented Quatre here! He gave me *pigtails*!" Wufei raged. "Trowa!" The line went dead as Quatre managed to scramble on the desk and hit disconnect button.  
  
Wufei glared at the blonde, then grinned triumphantly. "Too late! He got the message!" He crowed.  
  
Quatre pouted sulkily at him. "Well, it's your fault if they don't do anything! You'll be the one to blame if the course of true love doesn't run smooth!"  
  
"Course of true love?" Relena looked at Wufei for some answers.  
  
Wufei sighed, brushing his hair behind his ears. "Maxwell and Winner concocted some kind of plan for Duo to get Trowa to go to bed with him." He explained wearily. "Which is why Quatre's been holding me hostage, so I didn't interrupt them."  
  
Relena looked at Quatre and smirked. "Classic. I think I'll remember this one for a long time to come."  
  
Quatre grinned at her, then launched himself into her arms. "Gimme a kiss!" he demanded, trying to plant one on her cheek.  
  
The look of horror and shock on Relena's face as she tried to fend off the amorous pilot went a long way towards cheering Wufei up. He sauntered off to wait for Trowa to arrive.  
  
"Wufei!" Relena pleaded. "Don't leave me alone with him!"  
  
"Just one little kiss?" Quatre whined. "On the cheek?"  
  
~*^*~  
  
It wasn't a long wait before Trowa arrived with the car to take them home. The fact that Wufei wasn't tied up or in Quatre's presence for most of the wait made the time pass more quickly. He couldn't really blame Relena for dumping the drunken pilot in his care when she eventually found him - after all, he knew just how evil Quatre was when he was drunk from first hand experience. He'd thanked her for her help, to which she'd smiled sweetly, and told him he could count on her help anytime, so long as it didn't involve Quatre and alcohol ever again.  
  
When Trowa pulled up, they strapped Quatre into the front seat, and Wufei crawled wearily into the back, sprawling along the seat. All he wanted to do now was sleep. But Quatre's incessant chatting in the front made dozing off impossible.  
  
"Well?!" Quatre was demanding of Trowa. "What happened?"  
  
"I should have guessed that you'd be the mastermind behind this." Trowa remarked, amused.  
  
"And?" Quatre asked impatiently. Trowa simply laughed, and ignored Quatre's pestering all the way home.   
  
Once back at the house, Wufei trudged up the stairs to his room, Trowa behind him guiding Quatre, who was *still* trying to pry information from the banged one. He opened his door, fumbled for the light, and stumbled into his room.  
  
"Did you and Duo do the dirty or not?!" Wufei shut the door on Quatre's exasperated shout.  
  
He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.  
  
Fin.  
  



End file.
